Valentine Blues



So it’s Valentines Day and my classmate decides to take some ‘sh3p3r’ (classy?) gal he’s wooing to dinner. Of all the activities on the university campus he doesn’t choose any of then. The couples dinner for two, the all-you-can-eat etc all relatively cheap but this guy doesn’t choose any.


He was very adamant and wanted to show this gal a good time. For the rest of his friends, we were against the idea of spending too much money and attention on a girll who was obviously materialistic.


“Ma guy u no go hear word” one Nigerian friend of ours commented. But still he was adamant.


On valentines day proper, he had bought a hamper for the young woman and even though he could have carried the items to her hostel himself, he hired a courier service to go deliver the items.


Attached to the parcel was an envelope with an invitation to dinner for 2 at the then ultra modern newly renovated La Chaumere restaurant near the international airport.


It is opposite shangri la hotel and reputed to be an expensive eatery so people have never seen its insides, at least not us university students.

By four pm, paddy was jittery. He had gone to lectures that day for dear of running into the young woman but she had managed to send him a message of assurance that she will be ready at the time that the invitation on the card stipulated.


One of the boys whose mom had gone abroad was convinced to go bring her luxury car from home and since the friend won’t allow anybody drive his mother’s car, he automatically became the designated driver.


So when the time arrived, boys dressed in their nines and set off to the girl’s hostel. She wasn’t ready like she said and they had to wait another one hour for her to ‘powder up’.


Finally they got to the restaurant with the driver pissed since he also had other plans but here he was as chauffeur designate because he had let himself to be talked into supporting a brother.


The menu is brought and our friend realizes that the names of the foods are all in French. Apparently his date had experience on such things and ordered something she recognized as familiar – something with rice.


Foods had very exotic names he couldn’t even mention especially being a Ga too. So you can imagine what his vocal tonation will be like in pronouncing some of these exotic food names. 


Exotic names that sounded a cross between Mexican and Latin.


So trying to show off to his date he chose casi-somthing-lack-spinaco-something with a huge smile on his face.


The food kept quite some time and meanwhile he was having a conversation with his date to only realize what his friends had been saying all along that she was an empty shell – beauty with no brains – was true.


All she was interested in was latest shows in town (especially telenovelas) and hair products and at that time it was Acapulco Bay that was trending. 

Any talk about current affairs and she was mute and the only politics she knew was which ministers were interested in taking college girlfriends.Girl had to keep up with such info to know how best to survive.


The food arrives and  his date gets her exotic rice and then he gets the shock of his life.


The food he had chosen was the second least expensive on the menu but it still cost a bundle back then.


The food name was so exotic he expected at least to boast to his friends of trying something new – a new meal in a plush restaurant.


So at least he’s excited he was going to get something out of this date cos as for the girl di33 ankor yie kraa.. (date is not going well)



Then the neatly dressed waiter pulls a tray to his table and he’s all excited.

Now is the moment of truth.


The food is taken off the tray and put in front of him on his table, whilst the date looks on, and then the covers lifted off the plates.



At first he didn’t want to believe what he was seeing.

This was the exotic food with the casi-something-laco-spina-whatever?




Then he started to laugh out loud.

Now he knew the evening couldn’t be any worse.

What a valentines day.

Thrown off by the exotic name on the menu …


He had ordered GARI & KONTOMIRE stew aka Palaver Sauce! 

He just had to laugh it off. What else could he do.



One Response to “Valentine Blues”

  1. Hahahahahhaah… gari and kontomire paa…

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