Life is a Fart

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The story is told of me when I was a little boy who usually went prancing in front of the mirror every time  I took a bath. It is said that I stood in front of the mirror and until my other brothers finished taking their baths and join me, I will just be dancing and doing stunts in front of my mom’s dressing mirror.

The fun part was that this little boy could be anybody he wanted to be in front of the mirror and at times he tried out several role plays – from being a universal soldier, a martial arts grandmaster (maybe from watching too many Chinese movies at midday), a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, even a painter sometimes.

But now the real story comes in the one episode that had the whole family talking about it at family gathering for years. One day the little boy got too curious and wanted to see what his little ass looked like when he farted.  He knew farts were hot and when he pushed hard enough, the fart sounds changed according to how you let the air out. 

So on this Boxing Day, with his clothes ironed out and having been privy to being the first to use that big bar of yellow Sunlight soap, he paddles barefoot and stark naked into the bedroom to go use the Shea butter on his skin but as usual he had to first do his role plays prancing in front of the dresser.

With the extended family waiting outside he still prances about in his role playing charades as his grandfather the patriarch of the family. Mother hears him and shouts “Kofi! Stop it and get dressed!” He staggers but not before he lets rip one loud open ended fart – no holes barred.

Wow! That felt good!

Tries another one and with a new grimace and a slight shimmy of the hips and the rushing of wind takes the form of a whistle. It is an exciting adventure and very soon he’s lost in the fun of it. He tries several positions and then he goes for the grand finale.

He feels an urge of a big gush of air coming out and he would give anything to see how that comes out full blast.

So he turns his small tush towards the mirror, spreads it out with two hands and looks over his shoulder to see what the air will look coming out and then with one clench of his tummy muscles and one huge breath he lets it rip. 

But instead of the expected air out comes a splash of poop that slashes on most of the items the dresser including mom’s perfumes and make up set, hair brushes and dad’s watches all on the dresser. 

That moment of confusion as to what to do sets in.

And just at that moment mom walks in with his kid brother.

This is a story that was told by the whole family for years on end, even when somebody much as mentioned farting at any family gathering.  Even when the smell of a fart permeated the atmosphere and the culprit couldn’t be found, there was one person who was always the suspect no matter what.

There are lessons to be learnt in this little story though. As children we are free to dream as to what we want in life and what and where we want to be. But it takes pretty hard work to get what you want whether it is as simple as a fart or to be the CEO of a multinational company.

Hard work is the watchword in this case even if it means the end products will be soft and brown all over a lot of important stuff. No matter how gooey it may look it’s up to you to keep trying over and over again to get it right.

The little boy who pooped in front of that mirror became a man who not learnt about the different kinds of farts and even how farts diffuse in the atmosphere depending on what you eat (high school biological science with Mr Maddy) and how farts could be used for friendly competition and also as a weapon.

Well, that little attempted fart became a springboard to what the man will become. Today as you finish reading this, let out a relieving fart and think of it going away with ail your burdens. 

Mind you some are smelly some are just heavy.

Remember! It all begins with YOU!!

Fart away!

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6 Responses to “Life is a Fart”

  1. From the rooftop tell Ghanaians to fart away their problems. Kofi this is a masterpiece.

  2. 1just had a fartous motivation to exploit my own diffusion lessons – the people in the trosky are going to have a bad nose day ‘

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